Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do.
Where there is love and inspiration,
I don't think you can go wrong.
Where there is love and inspiration,
I don't think you can go wrong.
-Ella Fitzgerald
If you've known me for more than five minutes, you probably know I don't cry much. It isn't that I'm uncaring, or lack emotion. I have so much sometimes it explodes. It probably has more to do with there being so stinking much in this world that could bring a person to tears, I try to only do it when I really feel I deserve to cry. What right do I have to feel sorry for myself when other people have been through so much worse?
I cried today. I just sort of stumbled on this blog, and the story made me bawl. I'm not going to retell it for her, she deserves that honor herself. And I hope you do read it. But, I cried because there was no reason, no warning, no answer to what happened or why. To quote her: "It is completely fucking unfair."
She really got me thinking about life, and how so many times it just isn't fair. I mean, we tell our kids that all the time when they complain about how much more chocolate milk someone else got than they did. "Get used to it....life isn't fair." But being shortchanged on chocolate milk doesn't hold a candle to how literally fucking unfair life was to her. There is nothing in life that can prepare you for how wrong life can be, and was for her.
We see this in nature. A seed left unplanted, never getting to grow. An egg falls from a nest, and is crushed by a car tire. Buds fall from trees, and never become their destiny.
Things just should not ever, ever, ever, happen that way. What really is the point? We've all seen it, every spring. The wind and rain slam into branches, knocking those little buds all over our yards and driveways, and they are just done. Did you know that those buds actually begin forming in late summer? They are so small we don't notice them. And all through the snow and ice they sleep, waiting for sun just so they can grow. So for them to go through so much only to be struck down before they even get a chance to try is just unfair. It's not supposed to be that way.
I really don't know how I would handle that. I don't know what I would do, what I would want people to say. I hope that eventually I'd be able to see the beauty that remains in the world, and that just because a bud might fall, doesn't mean it was never there. And she has inspired me, because now I want to work on a project that helps us remember they were here. And they were beautiful, and magical, and had a purpose.
And, even when life is completely fucking unfair, you don't give up on yourself.
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